I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
