Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
