I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
