so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
