I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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