Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
