I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
