i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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