I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I could make wine with my vomit
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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