I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
