Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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