i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
