We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
