I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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