The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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