Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
