i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
