he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
