she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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