My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
