You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My ATM looks so different sober.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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