she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
