they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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