ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
