After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
