My friends, they love my intelligence
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think im going to throw up on grandma
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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