dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
