my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
