you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
sex in a hospital.. check
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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