I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything