Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours