Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.

  (512): View more from Texas

  Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.

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  (512): Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me. (405): I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me. (512): Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked. http://tfl.nu/bn4w
  Replies (64) Good night (2861) Bad night (913)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.

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  (201): my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums. http://tfl.nu/0487
  Replies (37) Good night (7566) Bad night (1712)
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles

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  (276): Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles http://tfl.nu/8prl
  Replies (8) Good night (981) Bad night (5043)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.

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  (201): just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit. http://tfl.nu/jcis
  Replies (16) Good night (4956) Bad night (1745)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  where's my purse there's an important taco in it

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  (908): where's my purse there's an important taco in it http://tfl.nu/d9zq
  Replies (19) Good night (7616) Bad night (1199)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.

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  (815): I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time. http://tfl.nu/qrqx
  Replies (7) Good night (2490) Bad night (915)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Edward fifth and chaser hands

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  (360): Edward fifth and chaser hands http://tfl.nu/2o2p
  Replies (3) Good night (1678) Bad night (1138)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"

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  (360): I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!" http://tfl.nu/wn2w
  Replies (9) Good night (1787) Bad night (846)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.

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  (707): Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack. http://tfl.nu/ll0f
  Replies (11) Good night (625) Bad night (1748)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.

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  (816): Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion. http://tfl.nu/6cof
  Replies (12) Good night (1185) Bad night (904)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.

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  (781): You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe. http://tfl.nu/3tsh
  Replies (3) Good night (546) Bad night (1002)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging

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  (714): I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging http://tfl.nu/ow1d
  Replies (3) Good night (375) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"

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  (518): I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories" http://tfl.nu/in2x
  Replies (5) Good night (667) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job

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  (707): I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job http://tfl.nu/jtzh
  Replies (8) Good night (966) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated

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  (518): Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated http://tfl.nu/sz1o
  Replies (1) Good night (410) Bad night (190)

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