True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.