She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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