Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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