I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize