EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
