this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
