I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
