the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
