A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
