i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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