maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
