dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
