Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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