you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
