Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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