Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
