i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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