You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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