Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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