Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
