Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.

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  (704): I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum. http://tfl.nu/041y
  Replies (11) Good night (629) Bad night (2789)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.

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  (330): Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight. http://tfl.nu/vmn2
  Replies (4) Good night (670) Bad night (4018)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.

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  (256): Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee. http://tfl.nu/nrww
  Replies (136) Good night (5147) Bad night (1140)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me

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  (647): it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me http://tfl.nu/r4c5
  Replies (39) Good night (7809) Bad night (1477)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea

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  (517): drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea http://tfl.nu/z8sz
  Replies (29) Good night (3775) Bad night (1833)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.

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  (732): I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered. http://tfl.nu/02c6
  Replies (18) Good night (4470) Bad night (1102)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?

  (1-443): View more from Maryland

  A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.

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  (443): Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever? (1-443): A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month. http://tfl.nu/w6z0
  Replies (17) Good night (1379) Bad night (787)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.

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  (804): My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur. http://tfl.nu/bitm
  Replies (11) Good night (3091) Bad night (1359)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I'm bringing the tv in with me.

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  (630): Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice. (309): I'm bringing the tv in with me. http://tfl.nu/mqt8
  Replies (17) Good night (1999) Bad night (1163)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.

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  (414): He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married. http://tfl.nu/rsec
  Replies (7) Good night (760) Bad night (946)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.

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  (765): Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday. http://tfl.nu/5inc
  Replies (1) Good night (832) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.

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  (908): Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad. http://tfl.nu/akuu
  Replies (1) Good night (581) Bad night (845)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.

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  (541): I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards. http://tfl.nu/slrk
  Replies (1) Good night (562) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls

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  (270): Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls http://tfl.nu/fmy4
  Replies (3) Good night (497) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.

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  (702): This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there. http://tfl.nu/l8ar
  Replies (0) Good night (590) Bad night (425)

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