Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
