I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.