what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
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They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
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He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it