I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
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You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?