The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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