He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Who died my cat blue again?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
