Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
