So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
