guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
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for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
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Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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