I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
