Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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