They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
