the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The air was thick with penises
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
