I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
