I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just cropdusted the office
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
