I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
