thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
