9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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