You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
