Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
