apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
