Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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