Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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