I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
