She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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